Richard Warren

20thc British art and poetry (mainly), plus bits of my own – "Clearly I tap to you clearly along the plumbing of the world" (W S Graham)

Compost Central

Woo! My first ‘like’ – on ‘Everybody’, two posts down. So here’s a story about an office romance for the lady blogger in Perth who clicked it. It reminds me of her …

Compost Central                                                                                       

Here in Compost Central
in the heart of teeny Ingerland
the rain beats on the roundabout
at the corner of Insane
Here up on the suckiest floor
of the suckiest department
all us sucky secra-trees
still play the paper game
We’ll soon be all redundanted
Do we look like we give one?
So it’s Carry On Suicidal
and why bother to explain?

No glass please, just the bottle
Gimme something strong and suspicious
OK I’ll maybe have a drink or three
but only to make the others seem more interesting to me

I’m a full professional amateur
black belt in karaoke
Just call me Mrs Slantipants
Ooh thank you, pass the meths
I have a magic touch, me
I’m a trauma chameleon
death and disaster magnet
with the emphasis on death
Well something in me kills ‘em off
Hmm. Wonder how I do it
My breathless enthusiasm?
Or maybe just my breath?

Oh yeah I’m sure you’ve had it bad
I’ll now attempt to give a damn
Remind me – just where is the sarcasm key?
Meanwhile, mine host, pour me a pint of vitamin G

All the menfolk here are fucktards
a bunch of hopeless rehabs
Little Conor in Accounting
is maybe worth a throw
As possible shagmuffins rate
he’s cute-ish but not candy
To be honest he’s a nerdlinger
I doubt he’d want to know
But the coldness of the futon
single servings in the microwave
prove powerful aphrodisiacs
Oh sod it here we go

I bought this wig on eBay
Don’t you think it canine’s bollocks?
All right I wouldn’t wear it every day
If you think you can detect a hint of twonkishness, just say

Let me occupy this barstool
God was that the beta version
less a date than a debacle
That boy’s such a royal pain
An IQ in double digits
would have been a good beginning
Don’t start pissing down my back
and then keep telling me it’s rain
Give a wave from the Titanic
Give me back my wine and Pringles
Earth is full my lad – go home
You’re wasting oxygen again

I’m moving to the Isle of Wight
You’ll find me selling seashells
If I want some tiny feet to pitter pat
I’ll just dig out the sewing kit, make slippers for the cat

 Copyright Richard Warren 2011




One response to “Compost Central

  1. the wuc July 3, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Awesome man, thanks!

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